Lay Awake

by Copper Leaf

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1.
Mistaken 05:14
I guess your heart wasn't in it You could have told me right away instead of struggling to spin it Into one last week alone You could have told me on the phone, but I guess you tried Oh can you see me at the station Pacing back and forth and I'm getting impatient Oh what a sorry sight I'd rather go out with a fight, but I guess you tried So I sat on the platform Thinking you must be late Although I waited there, I was mistaken I never thought I'd lose you by taking my time I called you back but it was too late Maybe this was the only thing I needed to Understand my life's not completed Until I find someone to help me let go So now I stare at my reflection In a supermarket window, I remember that tension Standing in the checkout line I acted like it was a crime to want to be alone Now I stand at your front door Knowing that it's too late (Although I waited there, I was mistaken I never thought I'd lose you by taking my time I called you back but it was too late Maybe this was the only thing I needed to Understand my life's not completed Until I find someone to help me let go) x2
2.
Carry On 03:22
I don't flinch anymore When you look at me It's a problem that I used to have But not so much recently I wake up in the night Ready for another fight You’re not there so I go back to sleep Dreaming of the company you keep Sometimes a bitter heart makes for a good start But sometimes the best drink is the one you dump right down the sink Carry out, carry in Carry on living I recall everything I've left behind But I forget just where I've been I can spit from here to where You told me you didn't care If I stayed or if I chose to go If only I could let you know (Sometimes a bitter heart makes for a good start But sometimes the best drink is the one you dump right down the sink) x3
3.
Andrea 03:23
Andrea Run out the door Fall in that wicker chair And cry some more I heard you As I lay in bed Slipped outside quietly Cradled your head And in the morning, we awake Eat breakfast together, just for safety's sake But while you slept comfortably I lay awake We go out to The bar for a drink Say who you've fallen for Ask what I think I tell you Honey that's fine But as we walked home tonight Your hand brushed mine And in the morning, we awake Eat breakfast together, just for safety's sake But while you slept comfortably I lay awake (How I wish you'd cry for me once in a while) x4 Andrea Though we once loved I'll never be the one You're dreaming of
4.
Interlude 1 00:37
5.
Letter Song 03:56
Sun in your eyes, close them every time Head in the clouds, your hand in mine Never a question whether to give Now when I dream, it’s only you I dream of When I think of you, I think only of love Was it a struggle for you to live? I've been thinking about four years ago We had just met and we were getting to know How to be lovers and stay as friends How can you blame us for letting it end?
6.
Interlude 2 00:43
7.
Carolyn 03:11
My fickle feet have come down with disease They refuse to move forward, I'm down on my knees because My fickle feet have come down with disease Her able arms have dropped down to her sides They once pushed me up hills that I could not climb, but now Her able arms have dropped down to her sides I used to point towards Carolyn Used to point forwards Now I point towards where I've been Always looking backwards My leaded lungs sink me down in the deep So I breathe very slowly and focus on sleep because My leaded lungs keep me down in the deep Her holy head is a book that I read There's a sequel in progress filled with things that I said The spring has been winding but more and more I'm finding Reasons to be turn around I used to point towards Carolyn Used to point forwards Now I point towards where I've been Always looking backwards (If ever you see me Please point my way northwards Please point my way northwards Please point my way north If ever you see me Please point my way northwards Cus I'm going south Yes I'm going south) x2 (I used to point towards Carolyn Used to point forwards Now I point towards where I've been Always looking backwards) x2
8.
I called your house last night It was half past one but I knew you'd be awake Watching your phone light up From the side of the bed I used to lay on "What do you want from me this time?" I had never heard a whisper so insistent or uncompromising My mind drifts to those nights I would sleep with you but sleep would never come As we get ready for bed Something in me rears its ugly head So when you turn to me and smile I don't return your glance for quite a while, a while But no matter what I do I can't wash myself of you You are always on my mind You are always on my mind Ten minutes later I am still on the phone, saying words I do not recognize As usual, you stay silent But I know you'd scream if you were ever able As we get ready for bed Something in me rears its ugly head So when you turn to me and smile I don't return your glance for quite a while, a while But no matter what I do I can't wash myself of you You are always on my mind You are always on my mind But no matter what I do I can't wash myself of you You are always on my mind You are always on my mind You are always on my mind You are always on my mind You are always on my mind
9.
Real Person 04:28
I'm not a real person No I'm not a real person I'm just a caricature, a caricature Of a caring young lover When I go to bed, I'm not really getting sleep And though I walk the streets, I've got no dates to keep When I'm making friends, I just can't memorize Names or faces like those other guys When I'm baking bread, I'm not really making bread And when I get ahead, I get behind instead When I'm making friends, they don't know what to make of me My words are quantity, over quality I'm not a real person No I'm not a real person I'm just a caricature, a caricature Of an honest hard worker When I'm acting mean, I'm not really feeling mean And when I take a bath, I'm not really getting clean When I'm losing weight, I'm losing energy And when you lie to me, well that's just fine with me (I'm not a real person No I'm not a real person I'm just a caricature, a caricature Of a caring young lover) x2
10.
Wanted To Be 06:31
When I heard what you were letting Him do to you, I closed my eyes Think back to you in high school Would she ever let this happen to her? Don't hide, I see your face in the light Please come with me, you don't have to stay here My feet are matching you step for step and my lungs breath for breath Lie for lie, I know you And when you fall asleep do you dream of me Like I was at eighteen? Awake and you will find the world outside your mind Not what you wanted it to be Teach me something new and wonderful Teach me chemistry or history Tell him I'm not a threat, standing here, watching you, underfed Sunken eyes, and me saying my goodbyes And when you fall asleep do you dream of me Like I was at eighteen? Awake and you will find the world outside your mind Not what you wanted it to be You used to laugh at me, I never knew why Now I look back at those days with new eyes It's not like I could have prevented this, could I? Could I? And when you fall asleep do you dream of me Like I was at eighteen? Awake and you will find the world outside your mind Not what you wanted it to be
11.
Interlude 3 00:36
12.
Visit me in a dream End up late for the final scene I don't mind, I've got time Tell me a story I've heard Expect me to act surprised I don't mind, I've got time Say that all the other boys don't compare And I'm the one you're waiting for Years pass by and I don't care 'Cus you're the one I'm waiting for Move to the city leave me Alone underneath the trees I'll be fine, I've got time Tell all your friends that I'm dead Take another man to bed I'll be fine, I've got time Say that all the other boys don't compare And I'm the one you're waiting for Years pass by and I don't care 'Cus you're the one I'm waiting for Look how independent we've become Anyone looking in would think we're done, done, done (Say that all the other boys don't compare And I'm the one you're waiting for Years pass by and I don't care 'Cus you're the one I'm waiting for) x2
13.
Interlude 4 00:26
14.
When we broke I think I lost my mind Couldn't stand the sight of you, shouted myself blind Drove my car into the lake when I found out your smile was fake And everything I felt was out of line That email that you wrote to me was neat Told me you'd been sleeping less, you barely even eat And in the mirror of the knife, my sunny face, my vibrant life So down the road, don't go cross the street Down the road, don’t go cross the street Has anything changed Now that our tie is severed? I kill time the same ways We just don't sleep together If I swore I loved you from the start If I told you darling you are always in my heart Then when I see you every day, will you turn to me and say, “I understand the reasons we're apart.” And I'll respond with, “God I hope you do.” I can't recall a single word you told me that was true. So if you're feeling vulnerable, just know that it's impossible For you to hate me more than I hate you For you to hate me more than I hate you (Has anything changed Now that our tie is severed I kill time the same ways We just don't sleep together) x2 Eric says you're going through some shit That's why you smoke cigarettes even though you hate it Even though we twice agreed the smell just makes us sick But baby if you're down, I'll take a hit I'd much rather feel this way than try to quit (Has anything changed Now that our tie is severed I kill time the same ways We just don't sleep together) x2
15.
Interlude 5 00:23
16.
You always swore you wanted what was best for me Kept me safe inside and held me desperately And every happy thought I ever dared pursue You shot them down so quickly, I don't know why I kept loving you Now I have another song to sing A chaotic, sweaty, fearless, pretty, perfect sort of thing She don't pass her beer off to any other man She gets me to cancel all my plans These days I'm dancing Don't call me after ten 'Cus I'll be dancing I will not live for you like I did back then Yes I'll admit I still get nightmares sometimes Locked away in darkness for some awful crime But it's not like I come to and wish that you were here I would rather not wake up than wake up next to you, my dear Now I have her smile to look forward to When all I ever used to get was tears from you She always smells like fireworks, a new color everyday She speaks for me when I don't know what to say These days I'm dancing Don't call me after ten 'Cus I'll be dancing I will not live for you Now I know that everything good isn't always true I lie to myself to give me something to do But when she stops and spins around in place As streetlights play upon her face It's a full moon and it's time to forget about you These days I'm dancing Don't call me after ten 'Cus I'll be dancing I will not live for you now These days I'm dancing Don't call me after ten 'Cus I'll be dancing I will not live for you like I did back then

credits

released November 19, 2016

All songs by Sawyer Bernath, except 16 by Sawyer Bernath and Eric Dorr.

Recorded at:
The Keep Recording (Denver) by Nick Sullivan.
Coupe Studios (Boulder) by John McVey and Brandon Calano.
Home.

Mixed by Greg Giorgio
Mastered by TW Walsh

Bradley Morse - Upright bass
Carl Sorenson - Drums and percussion
Dave Laub - Alto and tenor sax
Eric Dorr - Trumpet, vocals on 1, 3, 5, 7, 8, 10, 14, 16
Jacob Passini - Cello on 3, 16
Leah Concialdi - Bari sax
Liz Berube - Vocals on 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 16
Meagan Rudge - Vocals on 1, 3, 5, 10, 12, 14
Ryan Brasher - Vocals on 1, 14
Sydney Miller - Vocals on 10, 14
Theresa Peterson - Violin on 2, 8, 9, 10
Tyler Bentley - Trombone

String quartet:
Andrew Giordano - Violin
Joshua Ulrich - Violin
Andrew Krimm - Viola
Zachary Reeves - Cello

Additional thanks to:
Lane for teaching me 90% of what I know about recording music.
Ryan for arrangement assistance on 1 and 8.
Theresa for critiquing my lyrics.
Kristen for lending me the microphone.
E, K, L, E, M, M, C, for giving me something to write about.

Special thanks to Eric Dorr. Without him there wouldn't be an album and I'd probably be dead.

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Copper Leaf Denver, Colorado

Raw, cathartic confessions delivered with a dark wit and lush vocal harmonies. Denver. For fans of Band of Horses, Pinegrove, and Blind Pilot.

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